Slow and steady.

So here we are at 10 weeks 2 days. The end of the first trimester is fast becoming reality - not fast enough really, if you ask me.

Weeks 6-9 Sx:

1) F.A.T.I.G.U.E

Once I get home from work, I have a nanna nap, wake up for dinner and flop infront of the couch - feeling too tired to do anything. It's been a point of ahem, discussion..with the hubs as he ends up picking up the slack around the house ie - dishes, laundry, general upkeep. But try as I may, I just cannot muster enough energy to do more than the needful.

His response - stop work. Like..right.

2) Bloating.

In my mind, I know I am still too early to be showing - but on most days, I feel huge. It feels like Im carrying around all this extra weight in my mid-section and it is most uncomfortable. I have yet to put on any weight, so am pleased about that  - but the extra roll around my waist is there!

3) Spotting.

We had a repeat of this episode - only for a day, thank goodness - at the end of week 8. Funnily enough, it was on the same day that we had the dating scan. Freaked me out enough to make me take a sickie the next day to just rest.

And somewhere, in the midst of it all, we got to see bubs again. (we had an early scan when I was spotting earlier). Heartbeat - tick. Correct spot - tick. Growth - tick. 

Funny how it takes sight to confirm what I already know in my heart.

Next up : what pregnancy brings emotionally.

Weeks 4 & 5 - Sx and what not.

Of the varied Sx (symptoms) that expectant mothers get, mine so far have been:

1) Bloating.

From Day 1 of finding out, I feel as bloated as I do just before the start of a menstrual cycle.

Even though technically, people dont start showing 'til later in the first trimester, I sometimes feel I have a beer belly/muffin top when I wear my usual jeans and pants.

I have taken to unbuttoning the first button on my pants/jeans - it just feels more comfortable. Which has led me to feel as though I have an extra roll of fat in my mid-section. (Not like I had a flat, toned abdo to begin with!)

2) Burping.

Lots and lots. Usually first thing in the morning and when I get hungry. Kinda gross.

3) Tender areola and generally sore mammary glands.

Much like at the onset of a menstrual cycle.

4) Sporadic nausea.

Definitely very mild compared to stories of friends/patients. Occasionally, I get a wave of nausea which is like a 'ball' in my throat but is usually settled with a mint/chewy/lolly.

5) Fatigue. 

I need a nap when I get home from work and usually on weekends, I have at least a 2 hour nap. Despite this, Im ready to hit the sack by 9pm.

6) Spotting.

Yes - the very thing which I dread because of its possible ominous tidings.

I did start losing it over the weekend - but after much calm talk with a friend who is an O&G reg, I calmed down. Even though she told me exactly what I already knew and had tried telling myself, it's different when it is someone else.

I am so thankful for each of this Sx because it reminds me and it tells me that my body is working hard at helping a little life grow inside of me. I would rather be nauseous and sick the whole day then to not have any Sx at all - because then I would know that things are still ok.

The last few weeks have seen me in a balance of emotions. My joy is very bridled because of what I know. Being a doctor, I have been trained to expect the worst-case scenario and in a situation like this, it is not helpful. I have had to make a conscious effort to expel the negative thoughts and hold on to God's Word and promises for this little one. I have been emotional at times leaving my husband rather helpless - the only thing he can do is to pray with me from the Word of God.

Today at church, we had 2 amazing sermons about faith. And I am reminded again of how without faith, it really is impossible to please God. (Heb 11). That I 'don't need to see it, to believe it'. That God's salvation work on the cross was also for this little one that has yet to be fully formed.

So this week, I will start by stepping forward with bold steps - knowing that the battle is won; knowing that God has purposed for us to be given this blessing at this particular time. That He sees things to completion. 

I need to remember all the faith-building seeds that have been sowed so far - but that, I will leave for the next post.

To be sure, to be sure, to be sure..

Yesterday, Del had another review with the orthopod in regards to his fractured scaphoid. Which is in it's 9th week by the way.

We managed to squeeze in a visit to my GP in between his CT and review.

So far, all looks well.

My Hb stands at a well 140.

Quantitative b-hcG is at 1,259 - which is about consistent with 5 weeks post LMP.

Ive decided to have shared-care with an eventual birth @ WCH. We didnt organise for private cover and to be honest, being in the public health care system and knowing the behind the scenes action, I dont quite mind it. I may whinge about not getting a private room when the time comes, but..oh well.

Next up, booking a dating scan.

Sent home.

So on Monday, I (G) got sent home from work.

After about 3 hours into the shift, I made a quick dash to the toilet in between patients. On returning into the department, I notice 2 new signs on the doors - 

' To All ED Staff - New H1NI notice

If any of you fall into these categories, please make yourself known to your immediate supervisor.

Pregnant women, chronic resp disease, chronic heart problems, etc etc.'

I was so tempted to ignore it.

However, the director of ED walked onto the floor just before she left. I quickly whispered to her,"Dr M, am I supposed to let you know Im pregnant?" The look of utter surprise on her face brought a smile to my lips.

She proceeded to pull me aside and ask for details.

Long story short, based on the still 'unknown' in regards to the health risk posed to pregnant women by the H1N1 virus, the department has decided to err on the side of caution - I believe the director's exact words were "I wouldnt forgive myself if anything happened to you or the baby, and neither would you, so go home." So I was sent home and while they worked out what to do with me, I had another full day off.

I have since been redeployed into anaesthetics - which is really nice and easy, after the hectic pace of ED.

To tell or Not to tell.

Of course, we told family.

Being a medico, I know that the first trimester is the riskiest - with the highest rate for miscarriages. However, I was also holding on to the fact that our God will bring His work to perfection and on the day that we found out, my journal header verse was : Psalm 139v 13-14 - 'I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made'.

Despite this, we felt that we would keep it hush and not tell our friends just yet.

Oh, ye of little faith!

However, I did have to make it known to the consultants at work.

Being in ED (or in the hospital environment for that matter!), I am currently exposed to many different things - the biggest one at the moment being the H1N1 virus. Pregnant women are considered in the 'high risk' category and should be isolated from a suspect case.

Plus - compared to the average Jane, I am at a potential for being exposed to higher levels of radiation; what with XRays and the likes.

If I may be honest with myself, I have bridled my excitement and joy, because I know the other side of the story. In every ED shift, I come across at least 1 patient with ?threatened miscarriage in their first trimester. I know the signs and symptoms, I know what is considered 'normal' and what is not.

Really - sometimes, being ignorant is a good thing.

Del has been faithful in praying and reminding me of what God can do to embrace, love, protect this little fetus. I know it in my mind that God has my life and my fetus' life in His hands and yet, the internal fight is so vivid at times, I just want to be able to have an ultrasound machine at home just to make sure!

I spoke to one of the other girls at church tonight who is 1 week ahead. She says that she is telling all who will listen as a sign of faith and proclaiming God's goodness - she said that she has a real 'peace' about it.

That is what I am praying for tonight, that I will soak myself in His words - that no matter what happens, I can still claim His goodness and faithfulness over our lives.

Its such a thrill to know that Baby Berry's gender is already determined!

At the beginning.

Before we got married in Dec 2007, the subject of contraception was inevitably discussed. 

We decided together that it would be good to have some 'couple' time before we embarked on the journey of parenthood. We both felt that it was important that we devote some time towards 'getting our house' in order and getting to know each other as husband and wife.

So, in the lead up to the wedding, I decided that the Implanon would be a perfect choice - the pros: one time administration, no need for daily intake, subcutaneous site, long-acting, minimally invasive. The cons - well, minimally invasive.

I had the Implanon from April 2007 up until March 2009. And although recommended time frame is for a 3 year period, I chose for an early removal for other unrelated reasons.

I had a relatively good experience with the Implanon - unlike some of my friends who experienced ongoing spotting post period, complete amenorrhoea - no periods, weight gain, increased PMS and abdo cramps.

I had minimal spotting post periods and was still getting monthly periods.

As per my personal blog, Del and I had decided by then that if we got pregnant - so be it.

My first menstrual cycle started almost immediately after removal of the Implanon.

After which, the next month (April), I went back to my normal cycles (30 day) for which I was immensely grateful. It made counting dates a tad easier and although we weren't actively trying, I was keeping an eye on my cycles.

My next cycle came on time (give or take a few days - like I said; we weren't counting!) and I didn't think too much of it. I had an idea as to when ovulation would take place but don't quite remember when conception took place!

Towards the next period, I felt that we should test - just in case. I suppose, in my heart of hearts, I did hope that we would have 'scored!', but i kept my feelings in check, knowing that I would be disappointed if we weren't!

Approximately 10 days post ovulation, I took a home pregnancy test. The 3-5min wait seemed to drag on and on and on! But to what seemed like forever, I was rewarded by a FAINT 2ND PURPLE LINE where a +ve should be! I showed it to Del and we were both hesitant and excited at the same time and yet - being logical, Del disregarded it and said, "What would you say if a patient showed you that?"

And I promptly replied, "I'd say repeat it in a week's time and come back then!"

Of course I couldn't wait that long!!

So 3 days later, on the 19th, I repeated the same test and a darker line showed up! 

Could it really be!?

I promptly MMS-ed the pic I took to Del and after a few mins of excited conversation on the phone, he said he'd buy a different brand of home pregnancy test! 

After a 9 hour ED shift, I came home at midnight on the 20th of June 2009 and repeated a test - no doubt about it, we're pregnant!!